Rhod Gilbert on BBC Radio Wales.

If you are listening to this, you are listening to Rhod Gilbert's Best Bits, some of the best bits of my Saturday morning radio show, live on BBC Radio Wales. This week, it's a pre-recorded show, and I'm joined by Clint Edwards and Marcus Birdman.

This is Rhod Gilbert, not live, on, uh, BBC Radio Wales, a pre-recorded show that I pre ... pre-recorded yesterday, uh, on Friday. It's now Saturday ... you're ... hopefully ... hopefully, you're all ... enjoying listening to the show, but I am, uh, up in Portmeirion. Hopefully ... hopefully I'll arrive in Portmairion Festival No. Six / maybe I saw you last night. Did __ have a good night? I can't remember. Um, that's festivals for you. ... Uh ... ha, how confusing is this? M__, uh, Clint Edwards is here, uh, with me, um, just, um, just __ had a little chuckle, with, uh ... while drinking water from, uh, from, uh ... __, uh ... it's a little bit over the top that you have brought in ... I know ... I know that, uh ... you know, uh ... we are simple here, at, uh, BBC Radio Wales, but you've brought in a sort of trecking flask to drink from. It's a bit over the top. / What I'm doing is trying to cut down on, uh, plastic. So, instead of plastic ... / huh, that's / right back __ __ __ made me look like a bad guy / So, I mean, it might be a little over the top, but you are killing the planet. / ボクもちょっとやりすぎたかもしれないけど、キミは地球を破壊している。 / ... That is true. Don't use plastic, kids. OK. That's that sorted. / わかったわかった。子供たちよ、プラスチックを使うな。これでよしと。 / Um ... Marcus Birdman, uh, guest, comedian, friend, colleague, contemporary, has just, um, just walked in the studio, put his phones on / I / you __ed me / as you __ __ admitted earlier. / 今入ってきたんじゃないよ。ここにマーカス・バードマンがいますって、さっき自分で言ったじゃないか。 / All right. You are ... __ __ all the way from f__ing Essex, and, uh ... and then / guy __ __ __ next door for a bit / next door for a couple of songs, and then __ __ be more exciting / Is that what it was? / そういうことだったの？ / The reason is, we were sat here before the show, three of us, ... I'm sat at one side of the desk __ __ I'm just painting the picture for the listeners, ... you two were sat, uh, on the other side of the desk, um ... we were chatting away __ __ you can't be __ at the start of the show 'cause / guest / exciting / Right. / __ you up / Right. / Uh ... / sort of dramatic tension / Yeah. And you__ just sat there / thought / You can't just sit there, mate. I can't just talk to Clint with you sitting there / I ... I sent you out and b__ed you / and now / brought you in pretty quickly, though. / You did. Thank you very much. / have you driven from Essex? / I / on a train / Oh, you / train / from Essex / How was that? / __ __ __ asleep for good deal of it. / Were you? / Yeah. / What time did you leave? / Uh ... 6:30 ... / No. / Yes. / Oh, god. I'm so sorry. / That's all right. __ __ __ __ need to be here anyway __ __ __ __ __ __ ... I got free sandwich, though. So ... / Yeah, you got a free sandwich / yeah, you / coffee. ... First time on this show, Marcus Birdman. / Yeah. I'm, uh ... Rhod Gilbert v ... radio virgin. ... I needed to put "radio" in there, otherwise it would have sounded like ... / I know / you went, "Rhod Gilbert / you were just about to say "virgin". / I was / need another word / __ __ __ true, eh? / I want a camera footage. / ... Uh ... now then, uh, we are, uh, as I said, pre-recorded, uh, 'cause we __ up __ Festival No. Six, uh, hopefully, today, we'll, um ... we might see you up there. We may have seen __ __ last night. ... Now then, I __ __ __ because it was, uh ... oh, I said __ __ talk tatoos, didn't I? / Hmm. / ... because, before the show, I was preparing, as always, thoroughly ... / Hmm. / ... frantically rattling through some papers. / I was, uh ... yeah ... I was rifling through the daily __, tried to find something to circle and talk about. ... Um ... and, uh ... and I did, actually, __ __ to ... __ __ __ thing I found and circled, to do with you, which __ __ come __ to that in a minute. / Huh huh / But, before we do, you ... you two, in the background while I was preparing for the show, thoroughly, / we __ talking about tatoos 'cause ... uh ... / Marcus, your arms are __ __ just __ __ describe __ for listeners ... covered with them / oh, yeah, yeah, they are. All three of them. / all three arms are covered ... / we do need a third / you were discussing getting more ... and you were discussing / getting more / while / I could hear you in the background discussing where to get next tatoos, whether you should have tatoos across your fingers ... / Yeah. / whether you should have on your face / should have it sticking out of your shirt / Yeah, yeah. / all that stuff / legs next 'cause __ __ badly __ __ my body / I / still / get out / Is it ... is it, um ... is it, uh ... what ... so, what ... what ... what are yours ... kind of __ ... what ... you know, how would you describe them? Are they ... / Well ... / ... you know, ... Well, you know, are they, uh ... are they ... I'll tell you what. Here's ... here's a quiz: Are they t__l? __, Buzzz. / I suppose they're t__-ish / well, I've got various bits and __s. I've got, uh ... / Oh, that's nice. That's like / Alexander McQueen-sort of skull you've got there. / next / Mexican Day of the Dead skull / yeah / Huh. / I __ __ __ __ __ more s__ / I h__ / I h__ / I thought this would be funny. I thought __ __ __ __ my 40th birthday __ __ __ half-dead, I'll have a skull tatooed on me. Three days later, __ had a stroke. ... there you go. / Oh, you did? / I did, yeah. So, there you go. / __ __ irony is __ not, uh, lost on me, but, um ... / you / connect those two things? / ２つをつなげる？ / Uh ... __ __ f__in' hurt, so / 痛いからなあ ... / I'm not ... I wouldn't ... I wouldn't rule it out. / And it's on your left arm as well. / Yeah. I went to Amsterdam ... Do you know, weirdly enough, uh, / James earlier ... I went to see James the night before, and I flew to A__ __ like __ two-hour sleep ... __ __ ... I did all day tatooing, which is, like, not recommended, and, uh, just __ ... just __ ... in such pain all the way through, and then / I came back / three days later, I had a stroke, and I was not unconvinced that it wasn't connected. / つながっていないのを見て、特に残念とも思わなかった / when you __ __ a stroke, did your whole left arm go numb? / No, I didn't, mercifully, uh ... I only lost some vision, so I didn't have any ... I didn't have, um ... I didn't lose m__ skills / all right / move my / this isn't / different turn from __ normal Saturday. / __ __ __ / No, it's all right. I don't mine. I don't mind. I'm interested because we, uh ... I went to see you stand up __ __ talking about this very event / Yes, indeed. / And, um ... __ ... but ... __ __ ... I've got so many questions ... / ... which is kind of weird __ __ / yeah / It's not everyday accounts, yeah, yeah / You've got ... but the main thing is / always / joke / whenever anything bad happens to a comedian / show / show / yes, exactly / I've got a show / whenever anything bad happens to me now, and this is quite true. __ ... And, uh ... this is very much, uh ... a comed__ thing. Whenever anything bad happens, I just think, "Oh, no.", and then, immediately, "Oh, hang on, radio show / 何か嫌なことが起こっても、すぐ「これはラジオで使えるな」と思えるようになった。 / Yeah. / I'll talk about that on Saturday." ... whenever anything terrible happens / pretty b__, isn't it? / b__ / I mean, don't get me wrong. I'm not talking about things of the magnitude of a stroke. I'm talking about things like being annoyed / train ticket / half an hour __ __ __ / yes, I can. ... Certainly. And have done ... / and now / and will do again. Uh ... __ ... now then, um, so, where are you gonna have the next one? / that was what we were discussing, wasn't it? / I was thinking / quite a lot of / also / a bit of a committment on your hands 'cause __ __ never / cover them up / so, I'm gonna go ... / both your arms / surely that __ __ committment already. / Yeah, but / cover / long-sleeve__ shirt / nobody's the wiser / I was thinking about chest and back / but / just / a bit / chest / used to be / can / back / do you know what? / I just love saying the word "b__" / __ __ __ __ __ / I don't care as long as __ __ a good b__ ... as long as / good full b__ / I just love saying the word "b__" / on my Work Experience series, the, uh ... at this ... do you know what's very odd when you know somebody really well ... or you think they do, and then, suddenly they have a b__ / Huh. / and you go, "I ... / I know nothing. I / might as well __ __ never met you / I know / you've got / no tatoos on him. Nothing. Absolute __ __ sound guy. No tatoos. Nothing / never talked ... nuh ... / what is it, then? / __ __ ... massive b__ / over your face / Uh, I don't know. Some ... some ... I mean, this is probably, uh, revealing more about me than him ... some stupid, um, ... / Some ... some stupid old rubbish? / No, it was ... that ... I don't know. It looked like, uh ... when he ... when he took shirt and showed __ me, ... I was laughing so much that I didn't actually really take in what it was. / __ __ __ coming from somewhere weird / you / he's got two / strange tatoo / He's got two. / What is it? / he's got / don't talk like I'm not in the room. / next door / I'll go next door / I'll go next door. Introduce me in a minute. ... I've got two __ __. One of them is a Battenberg cake on fire ... / Yeah? Because ...? / ... because I was doing a programme on tatooing in my Work Experience series / OK, yeah, yeah. / was __ tatooist / genuinely hadn't occurred to me that he was gonna say, "If you're gonna do a programme on tatooing, you should have a tatoo.", / Huh huh, / ... which took me by surprise. / Huh huh, / I didn't know what to have. I couldn't care less about tatoos, I __ no interest in them / his cata__ / couldn't find anything, looked through the Argos catalogue / cushion / cushion / and then, for some reason / I / I can't remember how / on / all the flames. I think / flames / just / harden up the Battenberg / sex it up? / ... sex up the Battenberg, ... and, the other one / that was the first one. The other one was, ... I was ... I needed an ending for a ... for a show, for a comedy show / Huh, yeah, I remember that / so, I, um ... so, I flew to New York, and, uh ... took a potato with me, / Huh huh, / and, uh, had a ... took a potato into a trendy B__ ... uh ... tatooist, / Huh. / put the potato down, said, "Can you ... can you do a pretty good likeness of this? / What did he say? / If you ... / He? She? / ... if you look at that / shoulder / there / look at __ ... just a tatoo of a potato ... / It is. / ... which, unfortunately, from ... from a distance, I've been told, looks like something else. / What sort of potato? / something less / edible than potato.

... Now then, on, uh, social media, I ... uh ... I threw up / because this isn't a live show / I knew you __ see ... this is how clever I am. I knew / how clever I am / listener correspondence ... so, I asked people ... um ... well, I asked people for a quiz suggestion. Quite often __ __ quiz on / show / in the past, we've had, uh ... well, the Onion Quiz we had last week / yeah / did very well __, we've had, uh, "Why are your trousers rolled up?" quiz, once / yeah / I / one-off question, really / uh ... what else have we had? / What was the answer to that? / 答えはなんだったの？ / Um ... / __ __ / What was the answer to that? I had may jeans rolled up. Why did I have ... / it was sewage, yeah. Sewage. I had been out before the show / cleaning out s__ in my backyard. / Huh huh. / Yeah. ... the gut there ... if you really wanna know, the gullies of our backyard in London are too shallow. So, we've, uh ... so, we have a sewage issue. Uh ... a surveyer told me. Don't ... I know / surveyer told me before we bought. / Yeah. / not / fault / barge pole / but any pole ... you know / sort__ __ out / ナントカ棒でもさわれないと言ってたけど、どんな棒でもさわりたかないよ / むしろそのナントカ棒を使えば早く片付いたんじゃないか？ / that's / exactly __ __ touch you with / use my hands, __ __ survey__r / uh ... so, he said __ __ __ but anyway, so, we had a s__ge problem. So, I had my jeans rolled up / yeah / uh ... / nobody __ __ just had to ... take / shoes / my eyes wide open, my nostrils flared. And, uh ... / Did ... did it stink? / So, that was ... uh ... yeah, of course it stunk. It was a sewage. / please / Please. / __ __ moving on. ... Jeans Rolled-Up Quiz. ... Anyway, uh, then, uh ... other quizzes we've had __ __ Chimp Quiz. ... Chimp Quiz was the first, and / Moose Quiz, ... somebody suggested here, um ... uh ... what else have we got? ... a shoe ... a quiz about shoes. / Yeah? / somebody's ... / I __ __ __ questions are for the Moose Quiz / well, I would have to ... I would have to scrubble around to find something. / Huh, OK. / they / just suggested / Are these / these are not ... these're not past quizzes? / 昔やったクイズじゃないんだね？ / No. These are people ... I'__ said, "What quiz / boys in the studio / what about __ quiz about shoes / what about __ Shoe Quiz / anything __ __ / Uh ... no. / Huh. / No. I thought we'd do that now collectively. / Huh. __ __ __ / I don't know anything about moose. Let's not do that. / Nor do I, and I've got to set the quiz / moose / like / "moose" as in ... uh ... well, I was gonna ... do you know what / I was gonna do? / I was gonna go "Mmmmooogggghhh", and I thought, "I have no idea how a moose sounds." / ムースって、動物の？　髪につけるムース？　お菓子？ / Moose Quiz's already practically started __ __ ... hasn't it? / What noise does a moose make? / we've accidentally started the Moose Quiz / is that ... __, what / you say / basically I'm doing my cow, but with more, uh, throat ... more guttural / a bit more / cross between a cow and, uh, the, uh, the ... the ... sisters in The Simpsons. ... Mmmooogghhh / Mmmmoooghhhh ... / yeah / you are arching your back as well / of course I / which is __ moose ... shape, I think / of course it is / that was __ next question / What shape is a moose? / Rhod ... Rhod / Moose Quiz at the moment. ... Huh, this is quite exciting __ __ __ "What shape is a moose? "is the next one / is right / Marcus ... and Clint __ 1 point each. Um ... / Moose Quiz / we seem to be, yeah / seems to ... seems to have just happened. ... That's the end of the Moose Quiz. 1-0. ... What about __ Shoe ... Shoe Quiz? ... Uh ... oh, hang on a minute. ... Clint's just got __ extra half point there / improvising the moose sound / same noise as you, mate. / Yeah, I know, but / just / he gets half a point for a callback. ... So, it's now 1.5 plays 1 ... in the very first episode of Moose Quiz. ... Um ... I can't think of anything else about a moose. Can you? / Um ... / They've got, uh, antlers, haven't they? / They do. I suppose __ __ __ __ __ __ / That's 2 points. ... __ __ another point for Marcus / do they lose / when fighting / You don't get any point for __ question, mate. / All right. / you can't just ask your questions / Marcus / can do / Yeah. / Oh. 3. 3-1. / ... I reckon __ _ __ after __ __ __ __ / It's now 3 for Marcus, plays 1.5. So, Marcus was correct __ moose / shaped / which is bigger, a moose or an elf? ... I know the answer to this / do you know the answer / elk / No. Moose. / Moose. / Oh, four plays one and a half. / He's got no reference. / He / look it up. Look it up, mate. / there's / there's / challenge thrown down. Um ... / looking up / looking up / I / still __ __ __ __ extra point. / ... This is ... / they / used / water __ ... __ / sweets / moose __ loose / I can't eat the whole thing 'cause it's ... / Oh, yeah, you'd be branding / there you go / others ... othes are available / I can't even remember / called / OK. ... Huh. Can you remember / sweet / Marcus / ... No. / That's a shame 'cause you could have earned a point for that. ... Four plays two and a half. I'll tell you what. We'll be back __ __ Moose Quiz

Moose Quiz, earlier in the show, ladies and gentlemen ... we had Moose Quiz. It just happened / came upon us like that / just accidentally happened. Moose Quiz __ ... uh, it was four to two and a half on Moose Quiz / I'm still nailing it. / Uh ... no. / it's over. / Oh. Uh, well, then I've nailed it / you've won / I've won / you've won / congratulations. / Did I win a prize / There's no prize / new BBC / __ win __ moose / massive / I'll buy you a ... an e__tic ... a symolic, uh, chocolate moose ... one day ... / Thank you very much. / ... one day. / I'll hold you to that / other flavors are available. Uh ... uh, so, four plays two and a half, was the, uh, conclusion of Moose Quiz. Now then, uh ... other quizzes suggested for this week on social media / have been / how about / quiz about quizzes, / Huh huh, / I think / may actually have done that / uh ... Pointless Occupations Quiz, somebody's, uh, ... suggested / three comics around the table / yeah. Uh ... "It hurts me to say it, Rhod, but I'm afraid you've shown / yourself / one hit one day / the quiz department. I mean, you can have as many quizzes as you like, but none of them will ever be as good as Chimp Quiz." / Hmm. / __ __ Chimp Quiz / very strong / Chimp Quiz was strong. Bud did you hear Moose Quiz? / have we surpassed __ __ Moose Quiz / I think Moose Quiz might as well / uh / look / we've got here. ... Origami Quiz, / Yeah. / says, um, M__ G__ / Great radio. / Huh, great radio. Uh ... / Here we go. / __ / __ / B__ John Williams, ... it's a great name, __ __ says, "How about Coal Quiz?" / Wow. / Uh ... Yeah. I'll tell you what. I can do more on that in the next ... coming weeks because on, uh, Work Experience Series VI. I'm off to be a miner. Yes, that's right. You heard me. I'm off to be a miner / mining in Wales / open cast, uh, I'm going. / OK. / __ __ still going. I don't ... / __ __ / I don't think / any ... am I right / mining / I don't think / open cast mining is just when they, uh, they / not / digging down / tunnels / actually / shafts / you just __ a big hole in the ... __ __ excavate a massive hole in the ground. ... __ __ is massive. I went up to see it the other day / things / well, things / moose could fit / when you look down into it / or a elk? / when you look down into it, / it is / could easily be herds of a ... / paraphrase Faulty Towers ... herds of a ... __ beasts / could easily __ majestically across it / easily / you can stand __ __ viewing platform __ __ you can look down on this open cast mine / and, in a distance, you can see a little dot driving round. When that dot approaches you it's like the size of a house. / Oh yeah? / house? / three-bed detached / driving house? / It's not a driving-house. / OK. / it's a ... although I like the idea. ... Hey, talking about driving-houses, / Well, / __ __ / ... talking ... / that / it was a vehicle / that / vehicle / drive around the mines / I / give you / one of those / size of, as I've said, a house. ... But, before we get to do that next week, we're going off to Festival No. Six this afternoon. It's Friday. We're pre-recording this show __ __ __ on Saturday, but / talking about / driving house / we are going in a motor home __ __ __ __ B__ / a big old W__ B__ / W__ B__ / ... up to Port M__ in the Festival No. Six. How excited was I? I thought / I went to, um ... I went to Green Man Festival the other day, and / borrowed a 1981 box wagon camper ... __ __ __ got ... got the little motor home, camper van __ __ __ this time I'm going / proper ... I'm going proper to P__ M__. So, I've rented a big old W__ B__, massive __ __. Really excited. / That's gotta be beautiful / __ __ __ me drive it because of my job. / Huh huh. / I don't know about anyone elase, but because of my job, I find it very difficult to get insurance. / Right. / As soon as __ insurer says / occupation / you go, "Comedian." / occupation, mate? / __ __ __ police, innit? / you go, "Comedian / other ones, sir / we've got a busy night, sir. ... got a lot to get to. If you don't mind, just ... / it's a bit like that __ __ / __ __ __ / it's ... it's a bit like that ... __ it's a bit like that __ __ insurance __ __ __ comedian __ go, "Forget it. Forget it. We're not insuring you. You've got no chance. I said, "Please", they said, "No", I said, "Can you ask other insurance underwriters __ __ __ people / motorhome." So, now, um, __ ... Clint is driving it, and my wife is driving it. / So, Clint can drive it? / Yeah. He's __ __ __ / fine / they said, uh, they said, "You host the show? Or co-host?" __ said, "I only co-host it / they said "You're fine. ... __ __ absolutely fine, mate. No worries.

This is BBC Radio Wales. You're listening to Rhod Gilbert, not live, but still me, on BBC Radio Wales, a pre-recorded show that __ recorded yesterday. It should be / Saturday / Saturday afternoon, uh, welcome back, uh, everyone, to, uh, Lunch Club. Here with me, Clint Edwards, and, uh ... and, making his debut today, here __ the show, uh, Marcus, uh ... Marcus, uh, Birdman / Hello / is here / play__ / tonight? / Yes, indeed. / It's a good clulb, / lovely club. ... That's it. / That's it. / Other lovely club ... other lovely clubs are available. ... __ __ __ and remind / sitting here, of, uh ... / me coming into the changing room / what / l__ room / dressing room ... the green room ... at the Comedy Store, uh, in London. I __ __ __ __ ... I went to the London Comedy Store. I hadn't been there for ages, and then, uh, I took ... I took up ... uh ... when __ did, uh, some charity show / a while ago, I auctioned off ... didn't raise much money, I have to say ... I auctioned off an evening with me. / Huh? / Um ... / __ __ __ get / I was auctioning off some tickets for the Comedy Store in London. / Yeah? / Right? Uh ... you know, to raise money for __ __ __ __ __ so, on stage __ I was auctioning these, uh, tickets. And, uh, they weren't going for as much as I had liked. It was a bit long night / __ __ __ __ bidding at / I cannot remember. How can I remember that, Clint? I barely remember the evening at all. / more than the ticket would have cost __ ... / face value. "Just give me the face value." / 定価でいいから買ってくれ / "Please ..." / so, I said, "Look / look / raise / money / I'll come with you. I'll come with you to the comedy store ... / OK. / ... me, arrogantly thinking, "You watch this. You watch / coming in now / people / be tipping their hats, throwing their __ __ __ / scrutching their noses. I'm gonna ... This is gonna be chaos, car__ge now ... auction car__ge ... this is gonna be / uh ... I think __ __ __ __ a fiver / after I threw myself in / so, I then had to travel ... / Is that what you were doing there? / ... from West Wales to London to to go the Comedy Store / to take / yeah, that's why / hiding in / took someone / in the dressing room / I went with a couple, uh, we ... we went together ... I met them there, and we were sat __ __ __ and we watched the show. But what I ... / mixing / real / with other __ / came in __ __ __ __ anything / I came in ... I came in, Clint, "Oh my god." I was ... I was embarrassed. I came in ... well, basically, I was sat there, right? you know, I ... I don't ... um ... / on the clock / I was ... I was sat there with this, uh, couple, who had, uh, bid on this ticket, and, uh, won it. Uh ... uh ... so, I was sat there. We had a great night. And I was watching the standup / comedy store / comedy store / is like. It is extremely high standard / my favorite club __ any other ... __ __ __ best / them all / best club / I don't know / I was loving it, right, 'cause I just ... 'cause I don't do the standup circuit any more, I don't __ ... I haven't done standup at all for three years ... / __ __ __ __ / ... at all. Not a single gig. ... Anyway, so, there I was, watching it, and the thought that was / head was / God / you know / on the circuit / Right? / so ... the st__ / so great ... kind of, __, kind of, you go ... do you know, on TV, / all a bit / I don't know / just a bit / you know, TV tends to ... brandify things, just make things a little ... just ... hmmmm, you know. Just TV ... does that, 'cause it's, uh ... it's gotta go out into everyone's living rooms ... / __ __ Rhod / ... Anyway, so, I was sitting there, thinking, "This is amazing. This is ... its standard is so high, so sharp ... These are people at the top of their game / really / people who know what they're doing / people / I was so excited / I / a few drinks / really giddy with excitement / on the buzz of being back in this store / on the comedy circuit, seeing people I used to gig with / you know / I / just going / Wow ! Look at this ! / I came / green room ... __ backstage ... and said ... / I can't remember / something along the lines of, / so great / out / TV" or something / I know, I know, I know, I know, I know / and I got / so not / no, wait. Wait. And / one of those awful nights / you __ __ __ __ __ know what I meant was / That's so you / come out with something / all giddy, and you come out with something / something along the lines of / I came in ... I came in, and I said something along the lines of, "So great to see people who aren't on television / something / what I meant was, TV / makes it a bit b__ / so excited to see / actually / out / on this ... on this living ... live proper circuit. That ... that's what / how did they react to it? / well / I think everybody __ __ __ shock / well, actually / who's this? / first of all / haven't __ __ for three years. Second of all, you / calling / changing room / yeah / __ was extremely mortified / we did actually ... in your favor, we did ... as ... when you left, / uh ... / Oh, no / uh, we did ... we did say that there are very few people we could have accepted that from, and ... / got out __ __ kicked in / あれを言ったのがロッドじゃなかったら殴ってるところだ。

Other things we've got going on on the show today ... here we are, we / I / solicited some quizzes from the, uh, public / some festival tips / it's probably a bit late in the year to, uh, cover these / There are still probably loads of festivals going on / probably are / and then I suppose / loads this weekend / I think those / best of all happens / best / next week / yeah, of course. Uh ... OK. Well, in that case / worst of all / forget I__ said it / worst of all / festivals survival tips __ __ __ a lot of people're saying that. A lot of people're saying that. Unfortunately ... / that's just my day-to-day life / Huh huh. / you know, festival survival __ __ it is. But, um ... I should've ... everyone's coming in / everyone / don't use the toilet / w__s, ponchos, and I ... and I remember / I'm, uh, going up in a massive motorhome. / __ of you / I should have put that in the ... uh ... B__ B__ lives in a massive house in Dorset / nobody / so __ __ __ me / I love B__ B__, by the way, uh, if he's listening. / biggest fan / big house in Dorset. / whole thing about / Manics, wasn't there? ... about them having a portaloo / at a festival a few years ago / they had / front p__ loo / saying ... saying / PRIVATE --- Manic Street Preachers-Use Only / 立ち入り禁止 -- これはマニック・ストリート・プリーチャー専用のトイレです / Really? / ... which, I think, is a brilliant idea, but __ __ you are effectively doing that / you __ __ house around it as well / portaloo / All of these festival tips / things like about the loos and, uh ... you know / decent shoes / a roll of plastic sacs / use / rubbish bag / m__ clothes / if it rains / yeah / sit down / as well / the thing is, we / drive to the front of the ... / drive to the front of the stage __ just sit there / drive ... just ... just __ into __ __ __ in the motorhome ... just sitting in the front / on the stage / front __ __ __ __ __ where __ heater is on / people / must have / hear__ / rent out / toilet as well / I, uh ... in the, uh ... in __ __ animal / I'm just so __ __ unprepared / I was at the front, yeah / I bet you / was / mate. I was / about ten / ten people back, I suppose / Huh? / Yeah. / thank you very much. __ __ ... cheaky little ... / don't / a camera / check the footage. Check ... you little / I was only one as well / only person / how stupid is this? We left our friends over ... sort of ... in a corner of a field somewhere ... / Huh / ... __ __ __ __ our area, and then, uh ... I left there my coat / I / I / off / front man / off I went down there, um ... and, um ... it started / it started / I / leaving __, so, I was ... for about two hours, soaked ... up ... you know, it was just running down your face __ __ __ __ everyone around me, sort of, unpacked various forms of poncho, coat, raincoat ... all of them __ __ __ I was in a T-shirt ... drenched ... got back to __ __ ... no sign of it. Gone. ... They'd all gone / do you know what then, though? Do you know what? Doesn't this remind ... a couple of days ago, I had a text from S__ __ / "I've got your jacket." ... "What?" / a bit of / coincidence / I lost it at __ __ gig, and S__ C__ got it? ... How did that / she's washed it and everything. __ __ bless her. / So, we don't know, or we're finding out now / S__ / runs the Welsh Lost & Found / lost and / stuff / lost anything, just text ... text S__ / Yeah. / S__ __ / Yeah. Have a little look.

You are listening to BBC Radio Wales. It's Rhod Gilbert. ... Now then other / quizzes / suggested / listeners / Tom vs B__ G__ Quiz / Tom who? / What? / I presume that means / versus / uh ... any thoughts on that? / They're both great. / Tick. / __ we have to say which one / best / any thoughts / anyone / who'd win __ arm wrestle / you haven't been, uh ... you guys ... you guys / what are you ... what are you doing on a Saturday evening? / Huh? ... Huh? / Do you not watch / Shiny __ Voice / No. / too busy gigging / and / counting your money / you're too busy / busy / doing, uh ... yeah, / I'm just sat / festival / looking after his coat / dropping / patroniz__ / like fun / nose on a fifty pound note / uh ... well, it's ... it's / all to do with that / Tom Jones / replaced by B__ G__ / voice / judge on the voice / there we are / tick, tick / point, point / one point / one each. ... Yeah. You said / both great, and / you like / just / half point / half point / so, what ... so, that was the end of that quiz / is it / oh, yes. Clint gets / both / and I get half a point / Marcus brings up the __ / half / Alpaca Quiz has been suggested by S__ G__ / Alpaca Quiz / Huh huh. / how would you feel about that? / if you want / about / Alpaca is / ... In that case, I'm going to give that to Clint. / That's a rooky mistake, mate. / a rooky mistake / you know / people / Noel Edmonds / Deal Or No Deal / our first contestant is / stop / I know nothing about __s / special subject is ... / numbers __ chance / Clint has, uh, has done ... has done / does / probably will do / um ... uh, / Deal Or No Deal / of course / did you / for / did you? / No. He / still missed / Deal Or No Deal / for those wondering what / a lot / he was interviewed on Radio Wales / Tom / revealed some of the, uh, some / secrets / you also / master, isn't he? / sort of / brought me / under his wing / what's it like ... what's it like doing ... __ __ I realize that this is, uh ... you know / job that you do / you can't say, uh, / diplomatic, I suppose. But, diplomatically, what's it like doing warmup __ Deal Or No Deal / I / What is Noel Edmonds like? / Yeah / He's all right. He's nice / he brought me into his ... uh ... / inner circle / his dressing room is full of plants. So, it's like ... / No. / Yeah. / That's his beard. / that is Noel Edmonds / dressing room full of plants / ノエルの楽屋が植物でいっぱいだったんじゃないよ。それがノエルだったんだよ。 / that's what he looks like / "Look at that dressing room full of plants / that's __ star of the show / what is his favorite plant? / what / dressing room / botanical garden / green ones / lots of them / like what / first time I met him / quite a long dressing room / very long / first / full of plants / I was, uh, taken by ... I think / me in there / went / Noel at the end / Wizard of Oz / plant-based / I was thinking / just went, / oh yeah / do you want a cup of tea / took you, the young proto__ ... / Yeah, / ... a new kid on the block / he took you through a ... a maze / a maze / a maze / how high __ the hedges / over my head / over your head / at the end of it / sort of / planty hole, ... almost like a / a set / should we call "a set" / W__ / it is set / the end / was Noel Edmonds / yeah / sat there / this / I don't know / like ... just / look / through / my head / I was just wishing that actually / A__ N__ / had gone / Edmonds / found / hello / do you wanna cup of tea? / must / I / in / normal clothes / Yeah. ... Forget Marlon Brando / Forget Brando. You've got Edmonds / who's got ... who's got / ring / tell / "Hiya, M__." ... Good news or bad news? / S__'s got your jacket. / S__ / bad news

If you enjoyed that, why don't you listen to the whole show? Rhod Gilbert live on Saturday mornings / BBC Radio Wales, 11 till 1.

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